Padua, 4th December, 2024
Of course, I’ve always known that gender-based violence existed. But until last year, I felt like an onlooker to the problem, because I felt I’d done everything right, that everything was fine. I had no idea that this was something that could affect me directly in some way. I could never have imagined that my daughter’s ex boyfriend would kill her (Gino’s daughter Giulia was murdered by her former partner Filippo on the 11th November, 2023, ed.).
That’s what hurt the most.
As a father, I ask myself if I did everything I could. Should I have done more? Been closer to my daughter? Was I open enough? Was she afraid? Perhaps I was a cool dad, but didn’t realize how serious the situation was.
Giulia is no longer here today. She’s gone due to an incomprehensible act of violence. Her ex boyfriend decided her life belonged to him. And this is a recurring problem. There are 120 cases of feminicide a year in Italy, and around 90,000 worldwide.
Giulia has become a symbol of these massacres, but she’s not an anomaly. We’re dealing with a collective failure.
On the one hand, you had a young woman with a full life and her future mapped out, and on the other, a boy who ruined his life. If, as a society, we raise young people who’s lives end in this way, it means we haven’t communicated properly, we haven’t talked enough and haven’t passed on fundamental values.
Filippo was at university. He was going to graduate. To talk about him as a monster suggests he is something or someone abnormal. To speak about him or the Mazan defendants (51 men currently on trial in France for aggravated rape of a woman drugged for years by her ex-husband, ed.) as monsters characterises them as people who aren’t part of our society.
Defining a murderer in this way is a way of clearing our consciences. If we’re dealing with a monster, we can try to educate them, of course, but if they end up a murderer, we can always say, “Well, we did everything we could to prevent this, but they’re a monster.” We lift all educational responsibility.
But this is a lie, that’s not how it works. Those who commit feminicide or crimes of this kind do so because they believe themselves to be the masters of other people’s lives. This idea derives from all the cultural legacies of patriarchy. Patriarchy is the essence of man as the holder of power.
In Italy, it’s often said that the man should wear the trousers in a family. This means that women are worth less than men. That only a man has the qualities neccessary to command and that he can decide for a woman. It’s crazy when you think about it!
Of course, feminicide is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many other forms of gender-based violence. There are men who are very patriarchal but will never kill, simply because they know the consequences, or they’re a little more balanced or cunning.
However, those who perhaps haven’t had an emotional upbringing, on the other hand, can fall into crazy narcisim that will lead them to murder the people they should love.
Together with my daughter Elena and my son Davide, I set up the Giulia Cecchettin Foundation because I’m convinced that we need to improve our children’s education and, above all, better teach them about love. We are currently working on a project proposal to go into schools to talk about affection. The idea is to make very young children understand that there’s no point in being an “alpha male”, and dismantle the male stereotypes still in place today, as well as teach them the value of “no”.
It’s not easy to broach these subjects in schools, because you’re quickly accused of wanting to instrumentalize young people. But we’re going through a sexism, machismo and misogyny crisis. Parents need to understand that these models are very harmful. If we want to change things, we need to open up a channel of communication with our children, and take the time to educate them in new values free from gender violence. Because the children of today are the parents of tomorrow.
